Applying the Drama Triangle in Coaching
A Practical Example in the Context of Team Leadership
In this case example, the client, Ms. M., is an experienced team leader in a mid-sized company. Recently, she has struggled to lead her team effectively. The team members are demotivated, conflicts are frequent, and Ms. M. increasingly feels overwhelmed. In the first coaching session, she describes her situation: “I just don’t know what to do anymore. No matter what I try, it never seems enough. My team is unhappy, and I’m constantly being criticized.”
This text was translated using AI (ChatGPT). You can find the original text here.
On closer exploration, it becomes clear that her leadership challenges might reflect deeper personal issues. Some of these themes were explored to help the client see how they could negatively impact her leadership skills:
- Self-worth: Ms. M. often feels undervalued and believes her efforts go unnoticed. She tends to justify herself excessively and seeks validation from others. Her team may perceive her behavior as insecurity, which could undermine her authority and credibility. This constant search for validation might also be interpreted as neediness.
- Fear of Rejection: Criticism from team members and superiors affects her on a personal level, suggesting an underlying fear of rejection. Ms. M. avoids making clear statements or decisions, fearing resistance. The team senses her hesitation and is frustrated by the lack of guidance and clear direction. This leads to inefficiency and increased conflict potential, as team members start to act independently.
- Perfectionism: Ms. M. has high standards for herself and others, often leading to disappointment and frustration when these aren’t met. This pressure may cause the team to feel stressed and unsure in dealing with mistakes, which stifles creativity and productivity. This perfectionism could eventually lead to burnout or high turnover rates if team members feel overwhelmed.
- Conflict Avoidance: In her leadership role, Ms. M. struggles to address existing conflicts directly, often perceiving them as unspoken tensions within the team. Over time, these can escalate, creating a toxic work atmosphere and hindering team cohesion and productive collaboration.
The Drama Triangle
The Drama Triangle, developed by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, is a model of transactional analysis that describes the dynamics between the roles of Victim, Persecutor and/or Rescuer in conflict situations (Karpman, 1968). It is a powerful model for recognizing and breaking unhealthy communication patterns that can arise from personal issues, as seen in the case example above.
Figure: The Drama Triangle (own representation based on Karpman, 1968); transitions between all roles are possible.
Karpman drew inspiration from fairy tales, which often feature clear role patterns. Many fairy tales include typical characters like helpless protagonists (Victims), evil antagonists (Persecutors), and saving helpers (Rescuers). Fairy tales serve as cultural reflections of human relationships, and these roles can be applied to real-life interpersonal conflicts. For this reason, the Drama Triangle is well-suited for understanding real conflicts. It helps identify one’s communication patterns and develop effective conflict-resolution strategies. By working with the Drama Triangle, clients can learn to recognize and consciously change their role in conflicts, promoting healthier and more productive interactions.
The Meta-Level of the Drama Triangle
Psychological games are defined by transactional analysts as recurring, unconscious behavioral patterns that people display in relationships to satisfy certain emotional needs. Eric Berne (2013) was the first to highlight the surprising regularity of behavioral sequences in dyads and groups that unfold with covert transactions. These games often follow a predictable sequence:
- Invitation to the Game: A person sends a subtle or overt invitation that encourages another person to adopt the role of Rescuer or Persecutor. Example: Ms. M. (in the Persecutor role) says to a team member, “I had to do everything myself because you didn’t submit the report on time and weren’t reachable.”
- Acceptance of the Invitation: The other person accepts the invitation and takes on one of the roles. Example: The team member feels attacked (Victim role) and reacts defensively or shifts to the Persecutor role: “You always blame me, even though I do my best! And besides, you gave me time off, so I wasn’t at my desk!”
- Role Shifting: Participants often switch roles within the Drama Triangle, keeping the game alive and escalating the conflict. Example: Ms. M. switches to the Rescuer and Victim roles, saying, “I just want the best for us; we have clear deadlines to meet! Imagine how hard it is for me to explain to my boss why we’re missing deadlines.”
- Resolution of the Game: The game usually ends with negative emotional outcomes for both parties, often leading to feelings of guilt, frustration, or disappointment. Example: Both parties leave the conversation feeling angry and misunderstood, further straining team dynamics.
Challenges for Coaches
- Recognizing Game Invitations: Coaches need to recognize subtle game invitations from clients and avoid engaging with them. This requires awareness, high sensitivity, and personal experience with the various roles.
- Maintaining Neutrality: It is crucial for coaches to remain neutral and not adopt any of the offered roles, which can be challenging, especially when clients exhibit strong emotional reactions.
- Reflection: Coaches should be mindful of their emotional reactions and reflect on them to avoid unconsciously responding to game invitations, thus avoiding becoming part of another psychological game.
- Setting Boundaries: Coaches must establish clear professional boundaries to be a strong and supportive guide for clients, avoiding getting entangled in their personal problems.
- Teaching Skills: The goal of interventions should be to help clients understand the dynamics and negative effects of the Drama Triangle and to develop their strategies for breaking these patterns. This requires patience and teaching skills on the coach’s part to guide clients through this process.
Practical Example
In the following, the coaching case of Ms. M. will be used to illustrate how subtle game invitations may appear and what the coach can keep in mind to recognize and not accept these invitations. It will also show how the coach supports the client in recognizing her (detrimental) behavioral patterns and underlying causes through questions and the use of the Drama Triangle.
Analysis of a Real Situation
Coach: “Could you describe a recent situation where you felt uncomfortable?”
Ms. M.: “Yes, last week, a team member didn’t submit an important report on time. I had to work overtime to finish it myself. It’s always the same—the deadline comes, and then nothing happens. You would react the same way, wouldn’t you? It’s just unacceptable. Otherwise, I might as well do everything myself!”
In this communication, Ms. M. initially assumes the Victim role, then shifts to the Persecutor role, and seeks confirmation from the coach in her Victim role. Then, she shifts back to the Persecutor role. Instead of aligning with her, the coach remains neutral, exploring further and asking, “How did you respond?”
Ms. M.: “I was very disappointed and made it clear to the team member that their behavior was unacceptable. I just want to do everything right, and I don’t know what else I can do. My boss is also frustrated that I’m not managing the team properly—I’m just trying to do my job!”
In this reaction, Ms. M. invites the coach to take on the Rescuer role. Here, the coach could “shine” by offering suggestions or solutions to the situation. However, this wouldn’t be effective in the long run. Understanding her behavior pattern and strengthening her intrinsic problem-solving abilities is essential for Ms. M. to independently address future challenges.
Creating a New Space for Thinking
Coach: “May I offer a hypothesis on what you just shared?” [Ms. M. agrees.] “I sense a feeling of low self-worth. Is that something you recognize? Have you felt this way in previous situations?”
With this intervention, the coach shifts Ms. M.’s focus from the current situation and the other person’s behavior to her emotional experience and personal response.
Ms. M.: “Yes, possibly. Now that you mention it, I often felt I had to do everything perfectly to receive recognition. In my family, achievement was expected. If I came home with anything less than an A, I’d often hear, ‘You could have done better.’”
This response shows that Ms. M. is capable of self-reflection. When she recalls the invitations from her mother (Persecutor role), it becomes evident that her responses to her team may stem from deeper issues like low self-worth and perfectionism.
Coach: “I’d like to introduce you to a concept from transactional analysis. I believe it may help you see your current situation from a different perspective. Would you be interested?” [Ms. M. agrees.]
The coach draws the Drama Triangle on the flipchart and explains the three roles. He asks, “Does any of this resonate with you? Can you see yourself in one of these roles? Do you recall anyone in your past who could fit one of these roles?”
Insight
Ms. M. reflects on what she’s heard and smiles slightly, showing surprise at seeing herself in both the Rescuer and Persecutor roles. “Wow, that’s intense. When you explain it like that, I can actually picture my mother and one of my teachers. Both often took on the Persecutor role, and reactions from my classmates often matched the Rescuer or Victim roles. This makes a lot more sense now. It could mean that my reaction to my team member isn’t entirely about them—it’s also about me. I contribute to this dynamic that’s being played out in the team. Now I feel uneasy. Can I really change this? Do I have the strength to do it? I have no experience with this. How am I supposed to handle it now?” Here, Ms. M. offers additional invitations to the coach to take on the Rescuer role and affirm her in the Victim role.
Coach: “Before I address these questions and we explore possible strategies, I’d like to start with a brief self-assessment to clarify your initial perceptions. This process will give you an opportunity to more precisely examine your tendencies toward any of the three roles. You can then develop your own approaches based on the results. Would you be open to that?” [Ms. M. agrees.]
The coach gives Ms. M. a task to rate statements reflecting the three roles. The results show that Ms. M. has a tendency toward all three roles, thereby unknowingly enabling psychological games within the team. At first, she is speechless, visibly shaken, and affected. The coach explains that these behavior patterns often develop in childhood, shaped by the family system. He points out that people have a tendency to unknowingly engage in psychological games repeatedly in relationships.
Adjusting Behavior Patterns
As the coaching process progresses, Ms. M. develops strategies to recognize situations that trigger feelings preventing her from using her problem-solving potential and handling her emotions constructively. She identifies specific people, situations, and stressful moments where she tends to take on one of the three roles. With new awareness of the Drama Triangle and changes to her communication patterns, Ms. M. learns to step out of these roles and find alternative solutions for challenging situations with her team. Later, she remarks, “I notice now that I’m more aware of my reactions. I’m better able to stay calm and steer the conversation onto a positive track. I feel more secure and comfortable in my leadership role.”
Steps in the Coaching Process
In summary, working with the Drama Triangle in coaching can be divided into the following steps:
- Identifying Roles: Ms. M. is guided in recognizing the roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer in typical scenarios and understanding how these roles are adopted.
- Reflection and Awareness: Through targeted questions and reflection exercises, Ms. M. gains awareness of her tendency toward a particular role and perceives the underlying emotional needs and personal thought and behavior patterns.
- Strategies for Change: Ms. M. develops appropriate strategies to step out of dysfunctional roles and establish healthier communication practices.
- Practical Exercises: Through role-playing and other exercises in subsequent coaching sessions, Ms. M. internalizes new behaviors and gradually gains confidence in using them.
Conclusion
Teaching the Drama Triangle in coaching enables quick and efficient recognition and disruption of unhealthy communication patterns that emerge from learned psychological games. Ms. M.’s development in the case study illustrates how powerful this model can be. By integrating the Drama Triangle into the coaching process, Ms. M. achieved a lasting improvement in communication, conflict resolution skills, and leadership style.
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